I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
