make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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