she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
