Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
