Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
