He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
