Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
