Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
