I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
