how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
