should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
