I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
