Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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