Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's shark week go big or go home
The Olympian is in my bed
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm really busy with my period
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