well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
