Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
