No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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