is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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