Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
