Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
