I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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