So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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