If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
