Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
