About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
