So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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