The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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