I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
