is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
