I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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