Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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