In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
