I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
