just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
