Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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