I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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