I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
