Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
