I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
