i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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