I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
