You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
