I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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