Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
