i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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