I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
