Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
