party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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