i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
