I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
