S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
