So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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