She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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