there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Vodka?
Forever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
