got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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